Cheap-Ass Valentine's Day Dinner
 Maybe
you're poor. Maybe you're just cheap. Maybe you are trying
to break up with your significant other. I don't know about
you. What I do know is
that with a few cookie
cutters, less than $6 worth of groceries, and a very small amount of
effort, you
too can prepare a Valentine's Day dinner that is sure to disappoint.
 Another
possibility is that you're fortunate like me, and have a wife who
acknowledges February 14 is nothing more than a scam. Sure, it's
a nice day to be extra nice and try to score some Valentine-action, but
there's no reason to buy flowers, candy, or (ack) jewelry to prove
anything. To all you suckers out there who dropped more than $6
for Valentine's day, I laugh at you.
Ha ha ha.
Whatever your motivation, you've come to the right place.
The first thing you have to realize is that the quality of the food you
choose can make or break a mood. Being a smart shopper, I know
that Publix has the best ground beef, but Kroger has better store-brand
corn. I'm willing to pay the extra 4¢ a can for the Kroger
corn, because my wife is worth it. Remember - just because you're
cheap doesn't mean you have to be stupid. Quality of canned corn
may vary by market in your area - I strongly suggest you test each one
before deciding on something as important as a Valentine's Day dinner.
You will also need heart-shaped cookie cutters in assorted sizes.
Again, don't cheap-out on these. The ones I have are pink,
because they're shaped like hearts. Green hearts would be stupid,
and metal hearts are for robots. Are you a robot? If not,
then get some pink plastic hearts. Even though they're not seen
in the finished product, I still feel that they add class.
Ingredients:
1 pound of ground beef. Get something lean, since you don't want
the shape to get all goofy when a bunch of the fat burns off.
1 can of corn
4 slices of pasteurized processed American Cheese (individually wrapped)
4 hamburger buns
Ketchup, Mustard, and/or Mayonnaise
Instructions:
Corn
- open the can of corn
- dump the corn in a pot
- cover the pot
- put the pot on the range (medium/low heat)
Burgers
- press the hamburger meat into a heart-shaped cookie
cutter. (I've found that this works better than trying to "stamp
out" a heart shape through the meat.)
- put the heart-shaped patty into a skillet.
- Put the skillet on medium-high heat. Cover if you
don't like grease spattering all over.
- Cook for a while, flip over, and cook for a while
longer.
- using a smaller heart, cut out heart-shaped pieces of cheese
- put the cheese on the burger.
- Draw a heart on the bun with ketchup, mustard, and/or
mayonnaise
Back to the Corn
- now that the corn is hot, put a heart-shaped cookie cutter
on the plate.
- thoroughly drain the water from the corn. A slotted
spoon is handy for this.
- shape the corn using the cookie cutter.
- EXTRA ROMANTIC-
put a heart-shaped pat of butter on the corn. I didn't think of
this until it was too late. :(
Classy!
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