a series of
rants
and ramblings
by Jake
Why can't some people can't park their cars
properly? Because some people are morons. Download a
one-page flyer that you can print out and keep copies of in your glove
compartment. Then you'll be ready next time you see some jackass
parking diagonally through 3 spaces at Kroger.
click to download the document.
(Requires Acrobat
Reader)
Making a new pot of coffee isn't difficult. But you'd be
surprised at how many people refuse to make a new pot of coffee
when
they take the last cup. Actually, you probably wouldn't be
surprised, because there's a good chance that you either
a) are one of the lazy-ass people I'm talking about
OR
b) work with one of the lazy-ass people I'm talking about.
Worse still are the people who leave a few
drops of coffee in the pot, or enough to fill maybe half of a cup.
Professional comedians (including Bill "puddin' pops and
Kodak" Cosby) have been making a living discussing similar issues for
years, so I won't bother rambling about that subject or pretending I'm
clever. Instead, I
have prepared a step-by-step document that you can download, print out,
and tape up in your office break-room.
click to download the document.
(Requires Acrobat
Reader)
Any idiot, assuming they can read, should be able to
follow the instructions provided. Not that they will, but at least
you'll feel like you did something more creative than putting up a sign
that says
"YOU'RE (sic) MOTHER DOESN'T WORK HERE. PLEASE CLEAN UP
AFTER YOURSELF!"
Typically, the above signs are hand-written, and include 5
or more exclamation points, to REALLY get the point across. People
who make these signs also many-times write "YOURSELVES", which
would only be correct if "Mother" was pluralized or if everybody
had the same mom. Finally, it's guaranteed that either
"your" or "here" (or both) will be spelled
"you're" or "hear". Why? Because MOST
PEOPLE ARE STUPID. Now I realize that there are probably
some grammatical errors on this web page, and that this sort of makes me a
hypocrite. Let me explain to you why this doesn't matter:
I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
"YOU'RE" AND "YOUR".
I ALSO DON'T USE MORE
THAN ONE EXCLAMATION POINT!
While I'm on the subject of break room signs, I'm going to
complain about people who spell refrigerator with a "D"
(refridgerator). These people are not intelligent. On a
similar subject, many years ago, when I was working at Toys
"R" Us, someone put a note up that said "The frig will
be cleaned on Friday. Anything without a date on it will be thrown
away!!!" A quick search on google
shows that several people like to shorten "refrigerator" to
"frig", but I'm not sure that I like it. In fact, I'm
pretty sure that I don't.
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